Coal Guns Freedom Aneurysm

My brother was out driving the other day and he saw a Mitch McConnell bumper sticker that said, I shit you not:


All I could think of was the following comedy bit where Lewis Black talks about how you get an aneurysm (The bit starts where Black has gone to an IHOP for breakfast.):

From behind me a young woman of 25 uttered the following.  It was the dumbest thing I ever heard in my life until Dan Quayle was elected the Vice President of the United States.  She said, “If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.”  I’m going to repeat that, because it bears repeating.  If it weren’t for my horse, as in giddy-up giddy-up let’s go, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college, which is a degree granting institution.  Don’t think about that sentence or blood will shoot out your nose.  The American medical profession does not know why we get an aneurysm.  An aneurysm is when a blood vessel bursts in your head for no apparent reason.  There’s a reason!  

You go to the mall with your friends and someone over there says the dumbest thing you ever heard and it goes in your ear.  Now you turn around to see if your friends heard it.  But your friends didn’t hear it because they are pretending to buy a cellular phone.  But they’re not going to buy a cellular phone ’cause these idiots don’t even understand what rate structure means.  So you turn back to see who said it, because if you can turn back to them you can just ask them what they mean by that.  But they’re gone.  And now those words are in your head.  And they stay there.  They don’t go away.  And your driving to work, but you’re not driving to work.  All your brain is thinking is, “If it weren’t for my horse, if it weren’t for my horse.”  You sit down and you are having dinner with your family.  You think you are having dinner, but it’s not.  It’s going, “How did you get to college on a horse?”  It’s like a mobius strip in your head that goes over and over.  For 7 days that’s all you think about.  You don’t know you’re thinking about it, but your brain is going overtime.  And at the end of the week they find you dead in your bathroom.

I now know at least one of the possible things that will bring about my death.


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