Red Moose Jumps Car During Wet T-Shirt Contest

I think I could work at an ad agency.  I’ve already got a few ideas for great ads.  In one we show how refreshing beer is by filming the beer as if it were a woman at a wet t-shirt contest.  In other a I would sell a hard liquors while showcasing its dangerous bad boy image by having a tough looking red moose leap from building to building in a city.  I was also thinking of a cool ad for Chevy where a daredevil drives one of their cars backwards off a ramp. 

The above all sound pretty fucking stupid don’t they?  They are all real ads that air nightly while I watch the Colbert Report on Comedy Central’s free streaming.  Every time I watch real TV I sit dumbstruck at the ads that appear.  Who thinks these things up?  These are ideas that any stoner could concoct about three water bongs in.  Many of today’s ads feature what seems to me to be free association.  It’s like they are so desperate to get our attention that they will put anything up there.  And these are the people that make all of the money!

The worst ads are the ones that try to make you feel emotional.  They will tell some inspirational or heartbreaking story with really sappy strings, only to show the company name at the end.  This is nothing but crass manipulation.  Another kind of common manipulation is when they hint that if you don’t use their product you won’t get laid.  When I watch ads on TV I don’t know whether to laugh at the absurdity or cry at the wave of stupid that has swept into our homes every night. 

I am convinced that the most important thing about selling a TV ad to a company is making them believe your bullshit.  Most ads of today are random, shameless, or just plain idiotic.  How rare is it that you actually see anything clever or something that tells you something about the actual product that is being pitched?  I am convinced that in these ad sales meetings it is all about whoever is selling the ad making whoever represents the company believe that they know what the hell they are talking about. 

Ok, the ads above were really used.  But I do have a good one in mind that will work for any product.  I think there should be a fluorescent yellow bear on a surf board surfing on lava coming down the side of a volcano.  It doesn’t mean anything, but you just might stare at the TV long enough to wonder what the hell is going on, just in time for the company logo to pop up.  

A World Without Ads

I’m sure some of you this fair Saturday night are out shooting whiskey and stealing babies from cribs.  I’m going on tour in two weeks and until then I want to be home with my dog as often as my schedule will allow.  I’ve spoken before that I have some introvert tendencies.  As much as I love being out on the road, seeing the world and meeting new people, I also need time away for myself to let my imagination wander.  I need that balance.  What’s he building in there?

Tonight I’m part of the large trend in binge watching TV on Netflix.  I happen to be watching season two of The Killing.  This show is great, but what’s even greater are no commercials.  One of the many reasons that I don’t have cable TV is that I don’t want the world of advertisements entering my home.  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a mass consumer like everyone else.  I’ve been trained well by society.  However, I don’t need my intelligence insulted in my own home, at least not by anyone that isn’t a friend or loved one calling me on the phone.  .

Last summer I was in La Rochelle, France.  I was walking around the town and I couldn’t believe how beautiful it was.  All of a sudden it dawned on me; there were no billboards or mainstream commercial advertising anywhere.  There were hand painted signs on shops.  There were store windows displaying appealing looking goods.  There definitely was plenty of commerce going on.  However, the kind of gross bombastic advertising that we accept as part of our daily life didn’t exist in that town.

Just remember that we don’t have to accept things the way they are.  We get so used to things being one way that sometimes we fail to imagine an alternative.  Somewhere around the bend there could be a better world for us;  a world where we don’t have to spend every night being told about boner pills and waffle tacos.