Just an honest question: One of the miracles that Jesus performed was turning water into wine. But what if you were really dehydrated and thirsty that day, or what if you were a teetotaler? Would it still be considered a miracle or would it then just be an unfortunate magic trick?
Jesus
The Gospel From Outer Space
I was just reading some of the Kilgore Trout stories from Kurt Vonnegut’s books. (Vonnegut is one of my favorite writers.) Kilgore Trout is a science fiction writer that reappears in several of Vonnegut’s books. Trout is an under-appreciated writer, but other than that the details about him are often slightly different in each book. Vonnegut often uses Trout to tell short far out science fiction stories that also usually highlight a a truth that Vonnegut wants to convey. Here is one as an example:
It was The Gospel from Outer Space, by Kilgore Trout. It was about a visitor from outer space, shaped very much like a Tralfamadorian, by the way. The visitor from outer space made a serious study of Christianity, to learn, if he could, why Christians found it so easy to be cruel. He concluded that at least part of the trouble was slipshod storytelling in the New Testament. He supposed that the intent of the Gospels was to teach people, among other things, to be merciful, even to the lowest of the low.
But the Gospels actually taught this:
Before you kill somebody, make absolutely sure he isn’t well connected. So it goes.The flaw in the Christ stories, said the visitor from outer space, was that Christ, who didn’t look like much, was actually the Son of the Most Powerful Being of the Universe. Readers understood that, so, when they came to the crucifixion, they naturally thought, and Rosewater read out loud again:
Oh, boy — they sure picked the wrong guy to lynch that time!
And then that thought had a brother: “There are right people to lynch.” Who? People not well connected. So it goes.The visitor from outer space made a gift to Earth of a new Gospel. In it, Jesus really was a nobody, and a pain in the neck to a lot of people with better connections than he had. He still got to say all the lovely and puzzling things he said in the other Gospels.
So the people amused themselves one day by nailing him to a cross and planting the cross in the ground. There couldn’t possibly be any repercussions, the lynchers thought. The reader would have to think that, too, since the new Gospel hammered home again and again what a nobody Jesus was.
And then, just before the nobody died, the heavens opened up, and there was thunder and lightning. The voice of God came crashing down. He told the people that he was adopting the bum as his son, giving him the full powers and privileges of The Son of the Creator of the Universe throughout all eternity. God said this: From this moment on, He will punish horribly anybody who torments a bum who has no connections!
If you want to read more of these stories you can find some of them at the website oocities.org, which is where I found them. Here is a link:
Would Jesus Want to See a Cross?
A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross? It’s like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant. – Bill Hicks
I’d be lying if I said I knew Hicks work that well, though I certainly have heard of him. Mark, our saxophone player, tipped me off to this quote last night. I have always thought it strange that many people’s symbol of hope is also a symbol of one of the most excruciating ways to die possible. Do some reading on crucifixtions sometime, it’s horrible! If you really wanted to follow Jesus wouldn’t it be better to wear some kind of symbol of love or peace or understanding? That is why I find things like The Passion of the Christ so wrongheaded, it dwells on all of the wrong things. But then again, I guess most churches do the same….
The Battle of Iwo Jima
The Battle of Iwo Jima
Is taking place in the classroom
Tired students
Are climbing an entrenched occupation
Whether bowing to an emperor
Or praying to Jesus
Someone’s going to die
I wrote this in class the other week. You can tell where my mind was. And yes, I realize it is completely ridiculous. I think it’s good for a laugh, whether with or at me is up to you.
Jesus Christ: Lust for Glory
I apologize about being off the grid yesterday. When you do this thing yourself you are going to miss days, even if you dread it. Yesterday passed like one of those time lapse shots before I realized I hadn’t gotten any posts up.
Anyway, I am back to reading Monty Python Speaks after finishing Morrissey’s Autobiography. For those of you that might be interested in Autobiography, I will have further comments on it, but I need a few days to think about it. Anyway, I was reading section of the Python book that dealt with Life of Brian this morning. Apparently the title that they originally came up with was Jesus Christ: Lust for Glory! I about spit out my coffee. I have watched Brian several times and all the special features that come with the DVD, so I had probably heard this fact before, but I didn’t remember it upon reading it today.
Eric Idle came up with the title while drinking. He and Terry Gilliam, while continuing to drink heavily, started to think of ways you could make the story of Christ funny. What if the maker of Christ’s cross was a carpenter of poor craftsmanship? Once bringing the story to all of the Pythons they all reread the Bible. They decided what Christ actually said was good, so they didn’t want to belittle him. However, they felt that there was tons of room to make fun of the people around him.
They spoke of how anyone that would interpret Christ’s words and tell you how to believe it was performing a political act. Interpretation is a political act. They thought the people that did such a thing were worthy of making fun of. Fair targets. So anytime someone gets in a furor over something they say is blasphemous, ask yourself what it is degrading. Does it lessen the meaning of something, or does it lessen the power of someone who wants to control the way others see the world?
Anyway I love the Pythons and thought Jesus Christ: Lust for Glory was a great title. A good laugh to start Friday morning, at least I hope so.
Kelly’s Heroes By Black Grape
It’s almost 1pm on Monday afternoon. If any of you are thinking of slipping your own throat at this point, here is a little something to cheer you up. Sean Ryder’s post Happy Mondays band Black Grape and their video for Kelly’s Heroes. I never liked Black Grape as much as the Mondays, and my favorite Mondays’ album was always Bummed (Check it out. It is like insolent dance music as recorded by Martin Hannett of Joy Division fame.), but Black Grape did have a few moments. I’m pretty sure this is the only video where Jesus and Batman get into a bar brawl. You are one tenth of the way down. You can make it!!!
Windup Wire 