Lifeguard – save me from life
Save me from life
Save me from life
Save me from the ails and the ills, and from other things – Morrissey
I know from personal experience that there are musicians that will try to turn every defeat into a victory, but that’s just not me. Tonight’s show was one of those nights where it was a coin toss between suicide and slipping someone’s throat, watching them bleed out slow down the sewer drain.
There were some amazing moments. Some of the people that came out to support me were truly exceptional. Friends that I hadn’t seen in awhile, new faces that were a pleasure to spend time with. One couple came out for their second show ever and gave me The Clash’s Sandinista on CD, along with two CD’s of rare track. That is the kind of kindness that one can never forget.
But then there was a sound man that didn’t even know the set times and was rushing me the entire night. I was supposed to play for an hour, but I only got 40 minutes. I thought about sacrificing him to Beelzebub. I would go to jail, and definitely hell, but I might live on eternally in local lore, creating the kind of darkly humorous story that would keep others alive in trying times. A sound man sacrificed like a goat in front of horrified patrons. Some of the other staff members were quite nice, so I decided not to create a local ghost story. (Perhaps it will be a deeply held regret on my own deathbed.)
There were also certain patrons that looked like they had withered their lives away at the same barstool. Indifferent to anything I played. Indifferent to the songs booming out of the PA between sets, whether it was the Dead Kennedy’s or Iron Maiden. They sat there like weather beaten wooden Indians. These are the kind of people that, when they outnumber the living, can make a bar feel like a tomb.
Time has a funny way of healing all wounds rather quickly. (Or as Nick Lowe sang, “Time wounds all heels.”) I’m sure after a good nights sleep I will be ready for the next dash into the ring. I actually played fairly well and there were some incredibly amazing souls in the room. Usually nothing gets to me on stage. I’ve played more shows than I could ever count and some are excellent, some are bad, and most are good. That is the way of the world. But something tonight left me feeling rather rotten and slightly evil.
One thing I’ve learned is, if you feel your mood darken, don’t try to prevent it. Embrace it and let it go as far as possible. Eventually if you let it take you far enough, you will pass through the looking glass and emerge out the other side, cleansed and purified. Laughing all the way to the…