Recently I was diagnosed with epilepsy. I only told close family and friends, people who were already aware of what I was dealing with in some way. Why did I only tell a couple people and why am I now writing about it openly?
First of all I hate playing 20 questions. I would find it really tiresome if everywhere I went people asked me how I was doing and how was I dealing with it, when truthfully I don’t even think about it that much. I also am not a fan of small talk, and I know that it would just end up being a topic of discussion with some people, that weren’t really that emotionally involved in my life, just to pass the time. If you don’t have anything interesting to say, then silence is the best policy as far as I’m concerned.
Second I feel that there is an overabundance of sharing in modern life. I write a lot and you will get small glimpses into my life through this writing. But overall you have no idea what I’m up to on a daily basis. You don’t know what I’m eating for breakfast, who I’m meeting in the afternoon, etc. I only like to use my life as a jumping off point for bigger topics, and not as a topic in and of itself.
Really the only difference it has made in my life is that I have to take two more pills each day and that I can’t drink like I used to. I was actually relieved when I got the diagnosis, because it allowed me to deal with it. The last few years I have had a couple seizures and I didn’t know what caused them. It’s way better to know why something is happening and to be able to deal with it than living in a state of ignorance. Usually they happened after a night of heavy drinking when I went on a long walk or something the next day. Was it caused by allergy medicine I was taking, drinking too much, dehydration, etc. You try to get the balance right and it happens again and then you are like what the fuck? Nothing came up in all of the early tests that I had. So again, it was actually a relief to find out what it was, as epilepsy is something that can be cured over several years of treatment.
So why am I writing about it now? Because I believe in this life we must battle to kill off fear. We must learn to not care if we are accepted by those whose acceptance is meaningless. We should not care if we are judged for things that are beyond our control. When we are faced with a new challenge we must learn to face it head on. I wrote before that I don’t care if people talk behind my back as long as I’m not aware of it, and I really don’t. Epilepsy was once something that faced a stigma. Although that stigma is mostly gone I’m sure it is still out there in lesser minds. If people judge you for how much money you make, or a malady you may have, or how you look, or whatever, that is on them. Don’t let people that are weak minded influence you to be likewise. Unless you are dead or a confident beautiful looking billionaire, there are people who have it worse than you and those that have it better.
What I am dealing with now isn’t a big deal and will not be mentioned again on here. It’s just another speed bump on the road of life. Life’s like that, isn’t it?
Windup Wire 